In The Beginning There Was Nothing.

How did I get here you wonder ? You are not alone, I wonder that too. I am 26 years old, my back hurts, and sometimes I wonder if things i do lead to a heart attack, before they lead to a good life. Since I had none yet, safe to assume, that I probably am just complaining. So... leaving on an around the world trip, on the 25th or 26th of February, starting my trip in India with my friend Laurynas from Brr Films and his girl Svetlana from Belarus. I am doing this because its been a while since I did something meaningful. Let me explain in detail.  3 years ago I quit my job as an IT support for CSC in Vilnius, Lithuania, packed my stuff in to my Honda Accord 99 rusty, and breaking down. Front seat occupied by my girlfriend at the time, back seat fully occupied by my RIP Saint Bernard, trunk half full of stuff and debt. Not that I haven't had stuff, I always did, just that my car probably couldn't handle more and I was pretty sick of what I had so no regrets. I arrived to the loving arms of my mother and brother to Sweden, Julita. Choice was either this, or England ( as many of us Lithuanians do), but for the sake of my dog, and my family I am happy I chose countryside Julita, Sweden. Before I knew I settled in a summer cottage deep in Swedish woods, surrounded by farms, golf fields, natives and wild animals gazing stone throw away from the house, dog couldn't stop barking at night.  Oh life was perfect, just what I imagined grinding my office chair, watching conspiracy, permaculture, natural building, and other cool videos on youtube. Waking up in the morning i would go out and take a piss on a tree, breathing in fresh autumn air in my untied boots and underwear. That is until I started searching for a job and money started running out. The idea was to get a job on a farm, where I would be wearing a cowboy hat, and working the field all day smiling, sweating, and waving to children playing with my little 60 kg Saint Bernard Atrey in white clothes between the hanging laundry. It didn't even have to be my own farm... Reality Check came 3 months in to the dream when money started running out, and weather started cooling down. Job search wasn't going well, found one add 150 km away on a cow farm, and even that didn't work out, seeing how my IT experience did not impress the farmer much. The big break came when I almost gave up. Word from my step father was that local farmer on a cow farm is looking for an employee to replace a Lithuanian that just quit. JACKPOT ! I arranged to try out for the position, and went for a job interview early, 8 o'clock in the morning. Arriving at the farm I reached my hand to the first tall person  and said in Swedish trying to impress: - Hi, my name is Povilas, I am here to replace the Lithuanian guy that worked here, can I speak to Bosse ( The Bosses name ). I remember two people standing by the door, both at least a head taller than me, and judging by the size could eat me and have desert. I thought they were laughing with me, I now know - I was wrong. A bit about the farm. Family business run by Father and 3 sons. Sons now have children of their own, and I imagine that is why europeans were scared, when they saw guys like my coworkers climbing of boats during viking ages. I once had to ask one of them to lower the tractor seat because my feet were dangling in the air and I could barely reach the brakes. Even the lady that is working on a farm is Iron tough, first day at work, she swiftly picked up a calf and threw it over chest height into another cage. I have seen strong people in my life, but this was just a natural thing to all of them - the country people, and me ?  50 kg 26 yr old boy avoiding 3 floors of stairs at the office daily, I had to shape up. I got the one week testing period and a chance was all i needed, I was determined that it was what I wanted and I was going to do whatever to stay, so I did my best. It did sting a bit when after the "early " 8'oclock chat I was instructed to come back the next morning at 6 o'clock in the morning. - Damn, hope its only mondays it starts so early, thought to myself happy to have a job. Wrong again. Long story short, few days in of the week, I am up at 3 o'clock in the morning, showering for a half an hour just to wake up, and at the job at 4 o'clock AM that is. Long story short, little, weak and covered in cow shit I was milking cows and learning. Toughened up a bit and grew in my coworkers eyes as they grew in mine. Looking back, I am blessed to have these people in my life, whatever place I take in their lives, because they gave me more than they can probably imagine, but as all works two ways, I hope they feel the same. Time went, good things came holding hands with bad ones. There is no "fresh start" such things do not exist, apparently. Loans catch up, mistakes blow up in your face, the bigger the closet, the more skeletons you can fit in it, and when the door brakes, the more of them come to dance, and they don't take turns. So the only conclusion is, you have to start cleaning up at some point. Shamefully or not, with all the help I could get, I started slowly working my way forward. Now at this point I just have to make it clear. My nearest and dearest are alive, I did not loose limbs or friends at war, I have not been molested as a child, I am not starving. If anything, more than half the people of the world would change places with me without blinking, but lets be fair, we all walk in our own shoes and can't compare to what we do not know understand or went through personally. You wont find 2 perfectly identical organisms on this planet, so why the ignorance of thinking anybody has any right to judge anything ? And when I cleaned up the mess I made at least to be able to live with my self ? One thing was left to do. so I did. I asked myself, well now what? Now I have a job, I have my health, I have no debt, I have no kids, I lost a lot and probably will lose some more with time. I have no hobbies, and those I take up bore me quickly. I learn stuff just to forget it and teach myself things that I plan to do later. What about the present ? Go for comfort, you will suffer later, Suffer now saving for later, you will suffer. Do nothing - lets be real where is the fun in that ? So i just  continued with what i do best. Thinking. Somehow it comes naturally. So there I was milking cows and thinking, Going to bed and thinking. Sketching one plan after another just to look back at it the next morning and go: - Who wrote this ?! During that time I planned a tomato farm, a goat cheese farm, a goat cheese factory, an airsoft franchise, floating saunas, paradise garden, taking up sailing, bodybuilding, professional music, restaurant, catering business, nightclub business ( In the middle of the woods... come on, really ? ). Everyone of them with a greater passion than the previous one. How much is too much ? Insomnia was always around, and I already learned to live with constant gastric ulcer, difficulty breathing from not being able to quit smoking cigarettes was just ignored, but the worst, was not seeing the future clearly as I did before. I know you can relate, if we think of all the perfect economic growth and democracy bubbles that recently started popping like boiling water, kicking most of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd world citizens in the head and nuts at the same time. Add a confused over-thinking and over-sensitive self-conscious child-man, and what do you get ? Lets just say those guys that blow them selves up, or go GTA at the office, I can relate. So one day I was sitting on my couch chilling, thinking, checking out the babies, the kittens, the boobs and the fails on youtube when Laurynas dropped the bomb on me. He said he was going on a trip around the world with his girlfriend, and something just snapped. Everything fell in to place, thoughts gathered, and I got that buzz like I always got before, just that this time it was different. Its that kind of buzz that you cant explain but everyone knows what you are talking about and its not a fart. I looked back and started seeing signs in my past few months, approving the decision my gut spit out. My mind was silent, and even for the coming months I did not doubt my decision. I carefully shared my plan with my closest relatives and to my surprise, even knowing me and my naivety they had but a few questions regarding the safety of the plan. I was surprised, and encouraged, not that anyone could talk me out of it, but it was now decided. I was going to go on a round the world trip, the rest, did not matter. I was wrong... again...